Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
