I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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