My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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