i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
