she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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