I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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