so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize