i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
