I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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