and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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