the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
