we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
