I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
