Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
