We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
