rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize