i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
