my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
