dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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