I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
love makes seman taste better
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
