Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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