I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
