Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize