She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
