There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i will never coherently bang her
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
