fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize