A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
