I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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