I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize