That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
