i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
