***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i think i just lost a toe
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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