I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
