So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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