THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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