Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
