i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
