if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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