in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
