pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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