She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
