How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
