Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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