What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
