I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
