Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
