p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
