You're a womanizer and a bitch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
