I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
