new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
