Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
