I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
