the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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