He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
