phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
