I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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