so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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