Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
