So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
