blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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