Plan B is the new Plan A
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
