You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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