I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
