Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize