I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
