bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Alive.
So much puke
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
