Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
