Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
