I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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