If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
