he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
