so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
