the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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