my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
