Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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