I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
