alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
