I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
