I wish I could punch you in the face.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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