So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
