on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
