i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
