the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
