Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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