Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
