Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
40s are totally the cure
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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