literally had 100 drinks last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
