I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
