You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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